My mother has discovered emojis😆 #technologicallychallenged

My mother has discovered emojis😆 #technologicallychallenged

The actual zodiac signs

fabulink:

Aries: really fucking arrogant
Taurus: bossy as fuck
Gemini: two-faced spawn of satan
Cancer: kinda nice and cries a lot
Leo: talks way too much
Virgo: overanalyzes everything
Libra: probably hella boring
Scorpio: has a collection of knives
Sagittarius: keep your opinions to yourself
Capricorn: lucifer’s servant
Aquarius: hella weird and judgemental
Pisces: way naive and probably gay

(via joshpeck)

havemanymonkeys:

Good to know for planning reasons, continued and updated.

Neilsen has handily revamped their lists.

(Source: nielsentopten.com, via cumfort)

buttercakesandteacafe:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

buttercakesandteacafe:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(Source: importantbirds, via zachsgay)

When you’re working in the theatre and someone starts trying to tell you how to do your job

plainoblivious:

whatshouldtheatrecallme:

You’re like

image 

Chaperones.

aquaquinn:

I was able to fit the whole thing into one gif! 

aquaquinn:

I was able to fit the whole thing into one gif! 

(via lol-its-paul)

umbreon-ite:

Ah yes, the flute

umbreon-ite:

Ah yes, the flute

(via sociopaths-have-the-box)

  • me at home: i've been wearing the same jeans and band shirt for the last three weeks but it still smells alright so i'll keep wearing it
  • me going away: I NEED ONE SHIRT FOR EACH DAY AND EXTRA IN CASE IT GETS DIRTY AND THE SAME AMOUNT OF JEANS AND SOCKS ACTUALLY NO I'LL NEED EXTRA SOCKS IN CASE IT FLOODS AND DOUBLE THE UNDERWEAR IN CASE OF DISASTER AND ONE NICE OUTFIT IN CASE I GET INVITED TO TEA WITH THE QUEEN

assassinregrets:

assassinregrets:

NO

ONE

SWEATS LIKE WILL GRAHAM

HAS MORE PETS THAN WILL GRAHAM

NO ONE OUTLINES MORE CHALK SILHOUETTES THAN WILL GRAHAM

"I USE ANTLERS IN ALL MY INVESTIGATING"

OH WHAT A GUY WILL GRAHAM

NO ONE DREAMS LIKE WILL GRAHAM

CHOKES BACK SCREAMS LIKE WILL GRAHAM

NO ONE’S COMING APART AT THE SEAMS LIKE WILL GRAHAM

"I’M ESPECIALLY GOOD AT HALLUCINATING"

OH WHAT A GUY WILL GRAHAM

(via sociopaths-have-the-box)

xopachi:

skwinky:

lntruding:


Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.
And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.
What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.
I just want a burrito.
In conclusion:
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.



UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:
A fucking fork?
I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.
If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.
That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.
Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.
A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.
People eat burritos with forks?
God is sorry he made us.
(Source)


I always need this on my blog.

I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning. 

xopachi:

skwinky:

lntruding:

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.


UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

I always need this on my blog.

I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning. 

(via flomation)

Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." -The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

(Source: cinyma, via marksgatiss)

misha7collins:

Me too, Jared, me too

misha7collins:

Me too, Jared, me too

(Source: breakmyrevenge, via dudewheresmypie)

A Study in Pink: a Humorous Summary

  • SUDDENLY GUNS
  • Viewers: fuck where did that come from -
  • John: nightmares oh god
  • John:
  • John:
  • John: I fucking hate my life.
  • Therapist: Have you been writing in your therupatic diary like I told you to?
  • John: MY EYES AREN'T GLISTENING WITH THE GHOST OF MY PAST
  • Mike: hey gurl hey
  • John: shitit'sthatguydon'tmakeeyecontact
  • Mike: HEY GURL HEY
  • John: Ohhh hi didn't see you there -
  • Mike: LOL GURL SO HOW U BIN, HOW'S LIFE?
  • John: I'm thirty-five, single, unemployed, skint, and I've got anxiety problems of some description and a limp.
  • Mike: GURL THAT'S SO RAVEN
  • John: what
  • Mike: what
  • John:
  • Mike: let me hook you up, man
  • ~MEANWHILE~
  • Sherlock: I love the smell of dead bodies in the morning
  • Molly: I love your face
  • Sherlock: Yes, thank you, I would like you to serve me some coffee, how thoughtful
  • Molly:
  • Molly: ok.
  • ~UPSTAIRS~
  • John: What are these new fang-dangly things they didn't have them in my day
  • Mike: that's a computer, John
  • Sherlock: Mike give me your phone
  • Mike: Do you know how at wildlife parks and stuff they don't let you feed the animals partly so that the animals don't get reliant on being fed by humans and then stop foraging for their own food?
  • Sherlock:
  • John: use mine.
  • Mike: This is John Watson. havethesexwithhim.
  • John and Sherlock: what
  • Mike: what
  • Sherlock: -text it- Afghanistan or Iraq?
  • John: the fuck -
  • Sherlock: smoothly interrupting you to casually accept fangirl-made coffee
  • Sherlock: hey molly
  • Sherlock: thank you for offering to make me this delicious coffee
  • Sherlock: -sips- mnn, tangy
  • Sherlock: you look ugly without makeup
  • Molly:
  • Sherlock: bye
  • Molly: ok.
  • Sherlock: We should be flatmates
  • John: what
  • Sherlock: I'll meet you at the flat ok
  • John: what
  • Sherlock: Goodbye Mr Army Doctor from afghanistan
  • Sherlock: say hi to your alcoholic brother for me
  • Sherlock: nice psychosomatic limp you got there
  • John: WHAT
  • Sherlock: Sherlock Holmes, 221b Baker St, exit stage left
  • Mike: ain't he so raven
  • ~LATER~
  • Sherlock: Check out the flat ain't it pretty don't you like it John, you must like it, I can clean up, look I'm cleaning up say you'll live with me say it
  • Mrs Hudson: You guys are such a cute couple
  • John: what, no
  • Lestrade: There's been a murder
  • Sherlock: HOORAY
  • Sherlock: come and see dead bodies with me, John
  • John: I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING BUT I THINK I LIKE IT
  • ~CRIME SCENE~
  • Sally: freak
  • Sherlock: lol you're blowing one of the forensic team
  • Anderson: fuk u shercock u dick
  • Sherlock: i know you are i said you are but what am i
  • Body: pink
  • Sherlock: John what's your professional doctor's opinion.
  • John: ... yup she's dead.
  • Sherlock: DEDUCTING
  • John:
  • John: amazing brilliant fantastic
  • Sherlock: omg relyy
  • John: boy u mighty fine
  • Lestrade: I'm standing in the room still
  • Sherlock: lol you're all idiots I am the only one who sees the truth
  • Lestrade and John: what
  • Sherlock: laterz
  • ~AND THEN~
  • Phones: ringing
  • security cameras: spinning
  • John: the fuck is this
  • Mycroft: hey gurl
  • John: the fuck are you
  • Mycroft: I am suggestively frightening and I'm sherlock's arch enemy, my name begins with M, can you guess who I am
  • John: modesty?
  • Mycroft: gurl I like you
  • Sherlock: URGENT URGENT COME HOME AT ONCE THERE IS AN URGENCY
  • ~221B~
  • Sherlock: Pass me my phone.
  • John: you
  • John: you texted me to
  • Sherlock: and send a text please k thanks
  • John: Fuck you sideways, man
  • Sherlock: love you too
  • John: what
  • Sherlock:
  • Sherlock: come to dinner?
  • ~ANGELO'S~
  • Angelo: you're such a cute gay couple
  • John: what, no
  • Angelo: So very cute and gay
  • John: no, sherlock, say something, tell him we're not gay
  • Angelo: I'll get some candles to set the mood to SEXY TIMES
  • John: NO DON'T GET CANDLES
  • Angelo: YOU'RE GAY
  • John: Why do I have an ominous feeling that this is going to happen again? Like reverse deja vu?
  • Sherlock: Keep an eye out for murderers 'kay
  • John: So er ... got a girlfriend? Or a ... boyfriend?
  • Sherlock:
  • Sherlock: uh ... John ... look, it's very flattering and all but I'm taken
  • John: no -
  • Sherlock: My work is a jealous lover
  • John: no - what? I don't even want to consider how a relationship with investigating dead bodies works - no, I wasn't - no - I'M NOT GAY!
  • Sherlock: right.
  • John: right.
  • Sherlock: okay then.
  • John: yes.
  • Sherlock: SUSPECT AT TWO O'CLOCK
  • ~ROOFTOP CAR CHASE~
  • John: shit that was funny
  • Sherlock: I know right
  • Lestrade: DRUGS BUST PARTY AT 221B
  • Sherlock: THE FUCK IS GOING ON
  • John: wait drugs lol what
  • Sherlock: ~gaze~
  • John: ~gaze~
  • Lestrade: THERE ARE PEOPLE STANDING IN THIS ROOM
  • Sherlock: DEDUCTING
  • Mrs Hudson: TAXI
  • Lestrade: MOBILE
  • Everyone: NOISE
  • Sherlock: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU DICKS
  • Cabbie: come away with me, in the night
  • Sherlock: ok
  • ~DRIVING~
  • Cabbie: CLEVER SHIT
  • Sherlock: BORING
  • Cabbie: pick a pill any pill
  • Sherlock: CLEVERER SHIT
  • Cabbie: pick a pill anyway
  • Sherlock: sounds like fun
  • Cabbie: SUCKER -
  • John: I SAVE YOU
  • Cabbie: /dead
  • Sherlock: that's so raven
  • ~LATER~
  • Lestrade: tell me the things
  • Sherlock: look at my fucking ugly blanket
  • Lestrade: oh jesus
  • Sherlock: heyyyy john
  • John: heyyyyyy Sherlock
  • Sherlock: you saved me
  • John: for a minute there I thought my princess was in another castle
  • Sherlock: what
  • John: what
  • Mycroft: hey gurl
  • Sherlock: fuck off bro
  • John: why didn't you tell me he was your brother?
  • Sherlock: because he smells
  • Mycroft: you're so mean
  • Sherlock: lol John let's go get Chinese
  • John: ok
  • ~BITCHIN SLOW WALK~
  • YEEEEAAAAHHHHHH

theseluckystars:

mysharona1987:

Some of the funniest book dedications ever.

New threat to anyone who’s being mean: “I’ll call you an assh*le on the dedication page of my next book.”

(via sociopaths-have-the-box)

sociopaths-have-the-box:

jensensfreckleddick:

silenthillsweetie:

lucifer-rising-demon:

castiel-and-meg:

lucifer-who:

shadows-of-a-fallen-angel:

bloody-men-with-blue-eyes:

bripixiemonster:

lurea:

So here’s the thing:  Crowley is clearly demonic.  He was a son of a witch in 18th century Scotland, sold his soul, died, went to hell…Became a demon and then became King of Hell.

But he also had a ‘thing’ with Naomi in Mesopotamia.   Sooooo…couldn’t he be a fallen angel like Anna?  I mean, how did she know what to do?  Someone had to do it first, right?

So, Crowley…  You were an angel.  Became disaffected.  Ripped out your Grace.  Fell.  Was reborn as a human.  Learned magic.  Sold your soul.  Died, went to Hell and became a demon.  

And at some point, recovered all your memories.  Cool. 

I’m just going to leave this here.

WELL THAT EXPLAINS WHY MARK SAID THAT MAYBE CROWLEY WASN’T REALLY A DEMON

also remember when he tortured samandriel he could understand enochian

Also, he probably wanted a bigger dick because he didn’t know what the right size was, being an angel for his entire lifetime.

And remember when he went into Sam to warn him about Gadreel - how his smoke was red rather than black? Or how, when Crowley took over hell, he changed it from all the torture, to the souls just standing in long, orderly lines: isn’t order one of the things angels really adore?

no one will actually see this bUT THAT PICTURE IS FROM GOOD OMEN’S PEOPLE YOU ALL NEED TO READ GOOD OMENS OKAY YOU’LL LOVE IT

deansdickberrypie

No but guys. Mark Sheppard’s son goes to my school. He was in my class. He told me Crowley was originally going to be an angel, but the writers changed their minds.

(Source: saltoklose)